I had a dream last night. Possibly one of the best dreams I've had. I haven't dreamt about Ashton very much. I dreamt about her probably every night the first month after she died, but since then they stopped. Last night I had a dream that Ashton was alive. When I saw her I ran up to her and hugged her and I started crying because I was so happy to see her. She knew somehow that everyone knew she was dead, and she got to read all of the things that people were writing and saying about her. In my dream, my whole life just seemed to be great. Nothing else mattered but seeing Ashton.

I woke up from the dream, and for some reason I felt happy. When I woke up, it almost felt as if Ashton was alive because my dream was so real. Like she never died, and my life was normal again. Then after a couple of hours it started to hit me again, and I realized how untrue my dream was and that Ashton, no matter how much I wanted her to be alive, was still dead.

I wish I could almost stay in my dreams and have Ashton still be with me. To touch her, smile with her, laugh with her, hug her, and tell her how much she truly meant to me. For awhile I felt that things were getting easier, but today it just really hit me that she truly is gone, and no matter how much fun I have in this life that reality is still going to stay that way until I leave this earth.

I want to see Ashton again soo bad. I can't wait for the day when I can walk through the gates of heaven and see her. Maybe that's what my dream was about. It was just a glimpse of how happy I will be when I get to see her face again. It's just hard waiting for that day.

Sorry all of my blogs have been about Ashton so far, but right now she consumes my thoughts still.