This past year has been the most challenging year of my life. It was a year of change. Now I'm looking for a year of renewal.

My younger sister, Ashton Taylor Burr, died in a car accident on December 7th, 2006. Everyday since then my life has been changed. She was 15 years old and would have turned 16 on January 2nd. A sophomore in high-school, and probably one of the most gorgeous girls I have ever known. She was on her way to the state-play competition when she rolled the van on a gravel road, though she was wearing her seat-belt, she still passed away.

That morning I had gotten ready for the state competition because it was being held at my college. Ashton and I had gone the previous year together so I was excited to watch her up on the stage alone. I waited in my dorm room for my parents, but they never showed up. I layed back down in my bed waiting for them to call and tell me they had arrived. My phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and it was one of my friends. I decided not to answer because I thought he was just playing a joke calling so early. Right when the phone stopped ringing, another call came in. Another one of my friends. I decided to ignore the call again, but I listened to the voice mail. My friends were saying "Kelsey, I'm praying for you." My stomach just dropped, I knew that something was wrong. Thoughts kept running through my head. Did the bus crash on the way to the competition? Did my parents crash? Are my grandparents OK? When I called home, my mom answered the phone, but she sounded perfectly calm; however, I knew something was wrong. I said, "Mom, everybody is saying that they are praying for me. What is going on?" She replied by saying, "Kelsey, go wake Jenny up. Go get your friends, and don't leave the building. Whitney (my older sister) is coming." At that moment, I started walking toward my friends room at the end of the hall. I could feel myself pounding on her door and yelling for her. Then I asked again, "Mom, what is going on!" She replied, "Kels, it was Ashton. She was in a car accident." I knew the next answer, but I had to ask anyway. "Mom, is she dead?" Mom couldn't answer she just started to bawl. I dropped the phone and clapsed to the floor as my friend came out of her room. I sat there in the dorm hallway with my best friend crying.

A couple of friends and I had gone to my house the night before to watch a TV show. I had not spent time at home much of the semester because I was busy with a theatre production at college. However, that week I had been home 2 or 3 times, even though I lived about 45 minutes away. That night when I decided to go home it was completely random. We had never done it before that night, December 6th. We watched a TV show and sat around and talked. I didn't know that that night was the last time I would see my younger sister alive. She showed me her new class ring, and sat on the floor leaning against my legs, watching the TV show with my friends and I. The weirdest part of the night was on the way home. My friends and I discussed how hard it would be to lose someone in our family, and I spoke of one of my amazing friends and how she was dealing with losing her brother. I never expected that the next morning I would lose my sister.

Somedays I feel like I'm just living in a dream. Sometimes I won't let myself think of Ashton's death. Sometimes I'm consumed by the thought. While other days, I can accept the fact that she is gone. I have asked myself so often. "Why her? Why wasn't it me?" I know that God has a plan for each person's life, and when God put Ashton in this world. He knew she would leave it early. There are a couple of Bible verses that have brought me a lot of comfort.

"The righteous perish, and no one ponders it in his heart; devout men are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil. Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death." Isaiah 57:1

"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain." Philippians 1:21

My flesh and my heart fail; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

~Psalm 73:26 (NKJV)~

I know that God has a reason for everything. By taking Ashton, he could have prevented her from evil that would've been caused in the future. I realize more and more as this life on earth goes on that when we die, it won't be terrible, and we should not fear it, because to be with the Lord should be our only hope. The last verse Ashton posted herself on her blog page on her last birthday. Even though Ashton's body failed, she is not truly dead. She is alive in Christ.

Lastly, through this experience, I know now that I have a purpose. I am still on this earth for a reason. I have a choice to mourn Ashton's death everyday, or a choice to change as many lives while I am still alive. God will use me, and that is why I am still here. To make a difference! I want to go to Africa. I want to be God's tool. I want to build on my faith. I want to encourage those around me. I want to change lives for Christ!