Charlotte, Me, and Ashton

One of my friends, Charlotte, lost her brother exactly a year ago. May 22nd 2006. It seems crazy to think that a year ago everything was normal. That we had Ashton and Ben here with us. Tonight we held a small get-together to remember the life of Ben. Not only his life on earth, but his new life in Christ. I found myself thinking of Ashton a lot tonight too. How I miss her and want to see her face, but also how she is not actually dead but has a new life.

I have thought to myself so much this week... what can I do to make a difference in my part of the world? I want to be used wherever God decides he wants me. When I first found out that I was going to Africa I felt like wow this is my one chance to do something big for God. Now as I look back on those thoughts they feel wrong almost. My belief now is that we don't have to do one big thing for God. God can use us in little things that we do each day. Even if it's encouraging another believer, reading our Bibles, talking to him, helping others around you, and giving of yourself constantly.

I
'm not going to cover my pain and sorrow up that I have felt for much of the past months. It's the deepest valley I've walked through, and sometimes it does seem like there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I've found myself struggling. Trying to come up with ways to keep my faith at the level it was before and not distance myself from Christ. I think it's because after Ashton's death that's all I thought about. For months, sometimes everyday, Ashton is the only thought that crosses my mind. Where before God was the one who held all of those thoughts. However, I know that strengthening my faith and returning to where it was is not going to be one big giant leap, but small changes that I make each day to include God in my life again and in a greater way.

I want to walk with Christ in every part of my life. I don't only want to say I'm a Christian. I want to walk down the street and just by someone looking at me they'll be able to tell what I am about. Christ is the center of my life. I base everything I do around his word and  his will for my life. Now I want to be someone who does miracles with his power. With God all things are possible, and I know it's possible to climb out of this valley I'm in and stand on the mountain of God.